woman is simple, marvelous, comfortable, easy, pleasant, and satisfying (also wrong). Mary and I watch them dream, kid themselves, take hor- mones, talk of their future, drift along, struggle a bit and drift again, gloss over their own shortcomings, fantasize about the whole thing, take more hormones, abandon any thought of improving or altering any as- pects of themselves which would ease their lives both today and "to- morrow," and with it all make no concrete plans for financing their sur- gery OR their future. The whole thing is one big dream which obscures like a cloud all clear vision about things as they are.

I don't want anyone to get the idea that because I have characterized Mary's and my life in positive terms and painted the Fugitives rather darkly that I think we are something extra special, etc. I do so only to make as clear a distinction as I can between the Emigrants and the Fug- itives. There are other Emigrants besides us who have changed sex and gender that are happy and comfortable in their new land, but they are not large in number because too few people who get these ideas handle the matter on a practical, well planned basis. Most of them in short want to run from, not toward. If any of this applies to any of you who read this I sincerely hope you honestly evaluate your own motives and decide which you are a Fugitive running from or an Emigrant running to- ward and reaching out. If you are the former, try to convert yourself. It's marvelous on this side if you come as an Emigrant. It is terribly disap- pointing if you come as a Fugitive because the first morning you wake up, there you are, in bed with yourslef. The same old self you thought you'd left behind.

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